A properly equipped office arsenal is a very important aspect of minion control at work.

My projectile weapon of choice is the Nerf N-Strike Pistol, capable of rapidly firing six Nerf darts with considerable accuracy and speed, simply brandishing this weapon has sent many a minion scrambling or ducking for cover. The satisfying THWACK that is heard upon successfully shooting one’s minions in the face is priceless. (I do recommend carrying two of the N-Strikes, particularly if one’s minions are similarly armed.)

Another weapon you may want to consider is perfect for that perilous walk to the bathroom, I like to call it the: “John Wilkes Booth Special”. This pump action pistol is small and easily concealed in your pants pocket. The “JWBS” is also handy for point blank assassination shots when one’s co-workers are deep in thought and totally unaware you are lurking behind them.

For serious cubicle and/or office defense larger and more powerful weapons may be required. If you are like me, you may often find yourself out numbered and surrounded by your rebellious minions. Under such siege like circumstances, I recommend maintaining a cache of X-Stream Missile Launchers. These formidable missiles are capable of inflicting mild bruises and almost visible red welts on even the most nimble and obstinate minion.

Guns Guns Guns